by Barry O’Farrell
With the Olympics Games drawing to a close, the Olympic Committee faced the final and most difficult awards to decide, the Best Tattoos Displayed by a Female Athlete.
BEST TATTOO – Fortunately for the Committee, a lady from Portugal, who has the outside of each thigh spectacularly and heavily tattooed with abstract designs, was the obvious winner.
The only question the Committee found themselves debating, for much longer than they probably should have was, were the designs copies of abstracts by Picasso, or were the designs originals, inspired by Picasso’s abstract paintings?
Either way, the blending of culture with an athlete physique made the time spent in deciding this award most worthwhile.
The next category, BEST TATTOO ON THE BACK OF THE NECK, was easily the largest field of contenders. The Committee was unable to separate so many closely matched pieces of work, with eleven ladies declared a dead heat for first.
For future Olympic Games the Committee recommends, all parties reserve only their finest designs and needle work for this most competitive category.
The Committee also issued cautionary, advisory notices to four young lady athletes. The Committee wanted to draw their attention to the fact that the Oriental calligraphy they wear, despite anything they may have been lead to believe to the contrary, are the symbols for ‘public whore’. It may be prudent to cover up the controversial tattoo when out in public, particularly when competing in Asia cities or travelling the Asian circuit.
The Best TATTOOED BELLY BUTTON went to the lass from Poland. Whilst she claims it is a rendition of a full sunrise with some cloud cover, the Committee cite a drink can, crushed for recycling purposes as being the more likely template for the design. However, generously, the Committee have given her the benefit of the doubt on this occasion.
Our newest category, THE BEST TATTOO DESIGNED TO CAMOUFLAGE SURGICAL SCARS was also an area of much debate and discussion.
The Committee has suspicions a number of entrants exhibited scars which, disappointingly, appeared to have been self-inflicted, at least in part, to match the layout of their prefered design rather than the other way round.
This defeats the purpose of the award and runs contrary to our publicly stated most noble aim.
Be aware this category will be closely scrutinised at the next Olympic Games.
The MOST HEAVILY TATTOOED OVERALL award went to the lady from Bulgaria. In making this award the Committee noted, a portion of her work appeared to have been inked by a technically unsophisticated and amateurish hand. This is a reflection on the inferior standard of the work found in any of the Correctional Facilities for Women, in the winner’s home country.
The Committee hopes that in making this award, they will encourage improvement in the standard of tattoo artists in all correctional facilities, both male and female, globally.
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Barry O’Farrell (@BarryO_Tweet) is an Australian actor who sometimes writes. Barry’s stories have appeared in Cyclamens & Swords, The Flash Fiction Press, A Story In 100 Words, 101 Words, and 50 Word Stories. One of Barry’s short stories was runner up in the 2015 Arts Alliance competition.